Monday, January 03, 2011
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Monday, August 04, 2008
Go see live music (it's not me...this time)
Show up at 9 and buy the band a drink. Molly Brannigan's is on W. Liberty Ave. in Dormont/Mt. Lebanon. August 9th is Saturday. Be there — no excuses!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Important announcements, political and literary
Also, Ophelia Street, an important new (and America's Favourite) magazine is available online at www.opheliastreet.com. Check it out. Submit if you're inclined.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A lesson learned it time
The three-seconds of silence followed by a soft, "Wow," told me this came as a surprise. I understood, I had felt that blow before: the shockwave of disbelief and denial. It wasn't a surprise attack, if you think about it. It was more like a jack-in-the-box, slowly building, tension rising, wheels grinding for eight years. Now it's over, this fool has sprung.
I've been unhappy for a while. I don't think it was unknown, though it was never discussed outright. It was an understood grievance. I had been unhappy before. It wasn't eight solid years, after all; it was definitely on-again, off-again. I'd leave you for a while, but everyone knew it wasn't for real: I never thought it was for real. I think I knew each time that I would go back, back to the comfort of safety, security and a sense of belonging. I liked knowing that I wouldn't be unwanted unless I was really stupid. And I'm not that stupid.
I've expected the flurry of phone calls during the past 24 hours. I've expected the questions. "When did you decide this?" "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" "Was there something else I could have done? Even four or five months ago?" "What are you going to do now?"
I decided this yesterday, but I think I've felt this in my heart for a long time. Honestly, I've kind of been looking around on the side. Nothing serious, of course, although that I was looking told me something was wrong.
But I was scared of the unsure, of the unknown. Life on my own was intimidating at best. Perhaps I held on so long because I didn't know what to do when I let go. I still don't, but I know that I finally have to let go. Now my heart and my mind and my courage are aligned, and I realize I have the strength to go on. More immediately, I have the wisdom to realize I must go on.
Where I'll go, I don't know — and that's frightening, as well — but I'm looking forward to the journey. I need to grow as a person, and I couldn't do that until now. I'm not saying I'm better. I'm saying I deserve better, and you deserve someone more dedicated and true.
I can't say I'm sorry it worked out this way, because I'm not. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I haven't felt this free in a long time. The albatross has flown, the bonds have broken, and a sense of clarity and purpose fills my thoughts.
I am happy it's ended this way — civil, with respect, polite — and not in the flare of fury that was tempting at times. It could have been much worse; I'm sure I could have said many things I'd regret. But it's going well, considering, and I'm glad.
I know I'll get phone calls still, and I know I'll get them less and less until I don't get anymore. And I know I'll think back on the good times and the horrible times, and I know they will blur into a gray that will continually fade. But I know this was the right decision for me and, therefore, the only thing fair to do.
Goodbye, Pizza Hut.
(5/10/2000 - 5/26/2008)
I've been unhappy for a while. I don't think it was unknown, though it was never discussed outright. It was an understood grievance. I had been unhappy before. It wasn't eight solid years, after all; it was definitely on-again, off-again. I'd leave you for a while, but everyone knew it wasn't for real: I never thought it was for real. I think I knew each time that I would go back, back to the comfort of safety, security and a sense of belonging. I liked knowing that I wouldn't be unwanted unless I was really stupid. And I'm not that stupid.
I've expected the flurry of phone calls during the past 24 hours. I've expected the questions. "When did you decide this?" "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" "Was there something else I could have done? Even four or five months ago?" "What are you going to do now?"
I decided this yesterday, but I think I've felt this in my heart for a long time. Honestly, I've kind of been looking around on the side. Nothing serious, of course, although that I was looking told me something was wrong.
But I was scared of the unsure, of the unknown. Life on my own was intimidating at best. Perhaps I held on so long because I didn't know what to do when I let go. I still don't, but I know that I finally have to let go. Now my heart and my mind and my courage are aligned, and I realize I have the strength to go on. More immediately, I have the wisdom to realize I must go on.
Where I'll go, I don't know — and that's frightening, as well — but I'm looking forward to the journey. I need to grow as a person, and I couldn't do that until now. I'm not saying I'm better. I'm saying I deserve better, and you deserve someone more dedicated and true.
I can't say I'm sorry it worked out this way, because I'm not. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I haven't felt this free in a long time. The albatross has flown, the bonds have broken, and a sense of clarity and purpose fills my thoughts.
I am happy it's ended this way — civil, with respect, polite — and not in the flare of fury that was tempting at times. It could have been much worse; I'm sure I could have said many things I'd regret. But it's going well, considering, and I'm glad.
I know I'll get phone calls still, and I know I'll get them less and less until I don't get anymore. And I know I'll think back on the good times and the horrible times, and I know they will blur into a gray that will continually fade. But I know this was the right decision for me and, therefore, the only thing fair to do.
Goodbye, Pizza Hut.
(5/10/2000 - 5/26/2008)
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Trinity Meth daycare
Yeah, I really saw a sign advertising that day care. Are Methodists really that much better than meth addicts, anyway?
Probably.
In sports tonight, seven 40-ounce bottles of King Cobra met for tea and discussed the early comedic stylings of door handles. No wine was harmed.
Twin rhinos were seen ordering pizza from a phone booth on Sunday. The phone booth promised delivery in 30 minutes or less. "Less," the rhinos replied in unison. "Jinglejanglechangclink," the phone booth replied in quarters.
The end. For now. So not the end. The pause. There, that's better. And now ...
Probably.
In sports tonight, seven 40-ounce bottles of King Cobra met for tea and discussed the early comedic stylings of door handles. No wine was harmed.
Twin rhinos were seen ordering pizza from a phone booth on Sunday. The phone booth promised delivery in 30 minutes or less. "Less," the rhinos replied in unison. "Jinglejanglechangclink," the phone booth replied in quarters.
The end. For now. So not the end. The pause. There, that's better. And now ...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
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