Now wheeeeeere ... is my clucking car?

Miniature Cock Poses Challenge to Giant Eagle Operations
By CELESTE PIETRUSZA
Special to Sometimes I Like to Surprise Myself

This Wednesday, James Q. Chicken began his one rooster protest against the alleged discriminatory practices of the Giant Eagle Corp. At the crack of dawn, Mr. Chicken began his slow walk across the parking lot.

"I saw him, right there, between the cars, just as I was finishing up my shift," said Billy, a stockboy who refused to give his last name for fear of retaliation by his employers.

Shoppers, too, were surprised to see Mr. Chicken slowly working his way between the cars. One area mother, Sandy Dunkin, was in tears after nearly hitting Mr. Chicken with the front bumper of her SUV.

"This is really going to affect what I buy at the store today. I can't pick up a Perdue chicken after this — what would my kids think? They're too young to be exposed to this, to know that chicken comes from dead animals. The management really needs to do something about this or I'll be shopping elsewhere."

When asked as to the presumed efficacy of his tactics, Mr. Chicken, a PETA member best known for his outlandish performance art piece 'The Most Chicken Chicken,' replied: "It's a statement, you know, a play on the old joke, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' I've already had people come up to me and say, 'Why are you crossing a parking lot?' This gives me a chance to speak out in a nonconfrontational way, to really educate the public as to what goes on behind those big red doors. I mean, really, it's not every day you see a rooster in a parking lot."