Sometimes I like to surprise myself

Sean O'Donnell: FYI Love You (Live w/Uke & Tuba)

2011-01-03T11:20:00.000-05:00

Pop Filter

2010-02-04T11:18:00.001-05:00

Go see live music (it's not me...this time)

2008-08-04T16:01:00.005-04:00

Show up at 9 and buy the band a drink. Molly Brannigan's is on W. Liberty Ave. in Dormont/Mt. Lebanon. August 9th is Saturday. Be there — no excuses!

Important announcements, political and literary

2008-06-23T21:57:00.002-04:00

Also, Ophelia Street, an important new (and America's Favourite) magazine is available online at www.opheliastreet.com. Check it out. Submit if you're inclined.

A lesson learned it time

2008-05-13T14:42:00.004-04:00

The three-seconds of silence followed by a soft, "Wow," told me this came as a surprise. I understood, I had felt that blow before: the shockwave of disbelief and denial. It wasn't a surprise attack, if you think about it. It was more like a jack-in-the-box, slowly building, tension rising, wheels grinding for eight years. Now it's over, this fool has sprung.

I've been unhappy for a while. I don't think it was unknown, though it was never discussed outright. It was an understood grievance. I had been unhappy before. It wasn't eight solid years, after all; it was definitely on-again, off-again. I'd leave you for a while, but everyone knew it wasn't for real: I never thought it was for real. I think I knew each time that I would go back, back to the comfort of safety, security and a sense of belonging. I liked knowing that I wouldn't be unwanted unless I was really stupid. And I'm not that stupid.

I've expected the flurry of phone calls during the past 24 hours. I've expected the questions. "When did you decide this?" "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" "Was there something else I could have done? Even four or five months ago?" "What are you going to do now?"

I decided this yesterday, but I think I've felt this in my heart for a long time. Honestly, I've kind of been looking around on the side. Nothing serious, of course, although that I was looking told me something was wrong.

But I was scared of the unsure, of the unknown. Life on my own was intimidating at best. Perhaps I held on so long because I didn't know what to do when I let go. I still don't, but I know that I finally have to let go. Now my heart and my mind and my courage are aligned, and I realize I have the strength to go on. More immediately, I have the wisdom to realize I must go on.

Where I'll go, I don't know — and that's frightening, as well — but I'm looking forward to the journey. I need to grow as a person, and I couldn't do that until now. I'm not saying I'm better. I'm saying I deserve better, and you deserve someone more dedicated and true.

I can't say I'm sorry it worked out this way, because I'm not. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I haven't felt this free in a long time. The albatross has flown, the bonds have broken, and a sense of clarity and purpose fills my thoughts.

I am happy it's ended this way — civil, with respect, polite — and not in the flare of fury that was tempting at times. It could have been much worse; I'm sure I could have said many things I'd regret. But it's going well, considering, and I'm glad.

I know I'll get phone calls still, and I know I'll get them less and less until I don't get anymore. And I know I'll think back on the good times and the horrible times, and I know they will blur into a gray that will continually fade. But I know this was the right decision for me and, therefore, the only thing fair to do.

Goodbye, Pizza Hut.
(5/10/2000 - 5/26/2008)

Trinity Meth daycare

2008-04-06T21:05:00.005-04:00

Yeah, I really saw a sign advertising that day care. Are Methodists really that much better than meth addicts, anyway?

Probably.

In sports tonight, seven 40-ounce bottles of King Cobra met for tea and discussed the early comedic stylings of door handles. No wine was harmed.

Twin rhinos were seen ordering pizza from a phone booth on Sunday. The phone booth promised delivery in 30 minutes or less. "Less," the rhinos replied in unison. "Jinglejanglechangclink," the phone booth replied in quarters.

The end. For now. So not the end. The pause. There, that's better. And now ...

Get out

2008-01-12T13:16:00.001-05:00

Seán returns to the stage

2007-11-22T19:10:00.000-05:00

(White) Russians are coming, (white) Russians are coming!

2007-11-19T00:17:00.000-05:00

Many of you have tried it before. Now order your own.

Easily amused

2007-10-03T04:04:00.000-04:00

Some irony from CNN's front page.

"Ticker: Senator hospitalized with heart condition"

I hope the dude's all right. But, come on, the headline was funny.

My shame

2007-09-26T11:10:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure which bothers me more.

The karaoke machine at the bar had damn and ass asterisked for Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag," but it also had gun asterisked.
The Cure's "Friday I'm in Love" lyrics were listed as "I don't care if Monday's black,
Tuesday Wednesday care at all" instead of "Tuesday Wednesday heart attack."
That I was in a bar during karaoke. (In my defense, they had $2 pumpkin ale).

Thanks, Adobe

2007-09-19T21:18:00.001-04:00

Thank god for FOX News

2007-09-05T15:00:00.000-04:00

While flipping through 70 channels of drivel the other afternoon, I passed FOX News, which had a graphic on the screen. The graphic said that 20% of obese children have iron deficiency.
Nevermind the fact they're obese. We just need to slip some spinach and beets into their happy meals.

"That's why we're escaping
So we won't have to die
We won't have to deny
Our dirty god
Our dirty bodies"
— The Thermals, "Pilar of Salt"

I <3 Pittsburgh

2007-08-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been back in Pennsylvania for almost two months now. It's funny, but I wrote and recorded the following song after I came home to Pittsburgh. Enjoy. Leave comments. Raise hell.
Take Me Home to Pittsburgh

If you like it a lot, you can download the ringtone for free. Well, at least I don't charge you for it. Your cell phone company might.

Also, if you want to spice up your cell phone even more, "Excuse Me" is available as a ringtone.

Now wheeeeeere ... is my clucking car?

2007-07-17T12:11:00.001-04:00

Miniature Cock Poses Challenge to Giant Eagle Operations
By CELESTE PIETRUSZA
Special to Sometimes I Like to Surprise Myself

This Wednesday, James Q. Chicken began his one rooster protest against the alleged discriminatory practices of the Giant Eagle Corp. At the crack of dawn, Mr. Chicken began his slow walk across the parking lot.

"I saw him, right there, between the cars, just as I was finishing up my shift," said Billy, a stockboy who refused to give his last name for fear of retaliation by his employers.

Shoppers, too, were surprised to see Mr. Chicken slowly working his way between the cars. One area mother, Sandy Dunkin, was in tears after nearly hitting Mr. Chicken with the front bumper of her SUV.

"This is really going to affect what I buy at the store today. I can't pick up a Perdue chicken after this — what would my kids think? They're too young to be exposed to this, to know that chicken comes from dead animals. The management really needs to do something about this or I'll be shopping elsewhere."

When asked as to the presumed efficacy of his tactics, Mr. Chicken, a PETA member best known for his outlandish performance art piece 'The Most Chicken Chicken,' replied: "It's a statement, you know, a play on the old joke, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' I've already had people come up to me and say, 'Why are you crossing a parking lot?' This gives me a chance to speak out in a nonconfrontational way, to really educate the public as to what goes on behind those big red doors. I mean, really, it's not every day you see a rooster in a parking lot."

Headline, caption contest

2007-07-11T11:44:00.000-04:00

Winner of each (headline and caption) gets a custom mix-CD, and I'll buy you a drink if you live close enough.
Submissions will be accepted through comments or e-mail.
All I can say about the picture is it took me moving from Indiana to Pennsylvania to see this. Go figure.

1373 days later...

2007-07-01T01:36:00.000-04:00

Twenty-three months to the day after arriving in Indiana, I will leave it.
I'll be staying with my parents for a while. If anyone's inclined, it'd be cool to hang out and catch up.
My phone number hasn't changed, either.
Here's some music from Indiana:
Excuse Me
Dave's Matching Blanket and Shirt

Twin Peaks Files

2007-06-13T04:48:00.000-04:00

In the X-Files' season-three episode "Redmption," Kenneth Welsh plays a servant of the devil. In Twin Peaks, he plays the near-demonic ex-F.B.I. agent Windom Earle.
In "Redemption," a character with "visionary" insight loses said insight because his dose of haloperidol has been increased.
In Twin Peaks, haloperidol is used by Phillip Gerard; only when denied it can he become his true self, Mike of the Lodges, and point to Laura's killer.
Though possibly coincidental, I think it's interesting that haloperidol comes into play in the X-Files episode with another Twin Peaks character.
FWIW: Season Three of X-Files also features Roger Cross, who plays Curtis Manning on "24." He's also in three other X-Files episodes.

As cool as Steve Holt

2007-06-12T04:26:00.001-04:00

"So, uh ... you want to grab a curtain rod and go over to my place?"

And speaking of now-defunct TV shows, how 'bout that "Sopranos" finale?

Ferris Wheel on Fire

2007-06-11T00:47:00.000-04:00

I told my brother I'd send him this song, but I like it enough to share with other Neutral Milk Hotel fans who might not have heard it. It's live, and I'm not sure if a recorded version exists or not.
Neutral Milk Hotel — Ferris Wheel on Fire

Who's been rewriting my cheese?

2007-05-14T23:49:00.000-04:00

"Over the last 12 years, Ms. Marks has risen faster than a pizza crust through the ranks of the Pizza Hut restaurant chain."
www.restaurantschools.com

Apparently I was misinformed. I thought, from what Ms. Marks told me, she rose quickly through the ranks of Pizza Hut (the restaurant chain).

I compared it to pizza dough rising.

The pizza crust was what rose through the chain — Ms. Marks just rose faster (and to god-only-knows-where).

And "During the last..." would be better than "Over."

Dot com bust

2007-05-11T02:20:00.000-04:00

(Southern) Indiana's cable provider is Insight Communications. Recently, it unveiled new broadband and digital cable services.
Its commercial announcing the new services refers to Broadband 10.0 and Digital Cable 2.0 as "Broadband ten-dot-o" and "Digital Cable two-dot-o."
In case anyone else forgot, the capital city of Missouri is Jefferson City.

Where everybody knows your name

2007-05-08T00:47:00.000-04:00

The Indianapolis TV market has an interesting occurrence during the week from 12:30-1 a.m.
Between three TV stations, one has the option of watching Ted Danson and Kelsey Grammar on "Cheers," Ted Danson on "Becker" or Kelsey Grammar on "Frasier."
AMC needs to get "White Men Can't Jump" back on its rotation so the fourth "Cheers"-related TV-viewing experience can shift the sands of time sideways and hurl us all into an alternate universe where everybody sounds like Cliff but looks like Norm.
And to think, I almost missed all of this because of the glory and the power of Benny Hinn's "Historic Singapore Crusade."

Naturalization process becoming endurance test?

2007-05-01T15:26:00.000-04:00

Immigrants march across U.S. was the main headline on CNN.com's home page this afternoon.
When you click through, the headline changes to something a little less extraordinary.
Irregardlesslynessless, any immigrant who traverses the continental United States from ocean to shining ocean should get a 10-point bonus on the citizenship test.

Getting pissed and pissed off

2007-02-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

You're a guy, a dude, a man. You've been out imbibing with your buddies, just chillin' with your chums, hangin' with your homies, getting pissed with your pals. The night is winding down, last call was an hour ago, and you head to the bathroom, hoping to avoid the awkwardness of trying to piss into an empty Diet Dr. Pepper can in your car on the way home.

You step up to the urinal, ready to release, feeling the flow, when you hear a woman's flirty voice: "Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks?"

Bewildered, you look around, glancing from side to side. You seem to be alone; not a soul is in the bathroom. You think, "WTF?" You reply to yourself, "IDK."

The woman's voice continues, slightly more stern: "Think you've had too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home."

Who is this bitch? Where does she get off? WTF?

If this scenario sounds familiar, you must have been a guy drinking in New Mexico, where the state recently paid $21 each for about 500 talking urinal-deodorizer cakes equipped with motion-sensitive plastic devices. The talking toilet cakes, according to the Associated Press, "are in men's rooms in bars and restaurants across the state."

The message ends, as you stand there, scared pissless, holding your now-unpeeing manhood, "Remember, your future is in your hand."

Journalist decries profession

2007-01-31T13:57:00.000-05:00

"Journalism is dead. I'm going to start selling time-shares."
— from an e-mail from Bill Toland

In other journalism news, I've been talking with people.

So I've got that going for me. Which is nice. Maybe Mr. Schneider or Mr. Barnes can go in on a time-share with me. Any others interested? We could get some right beside Atom Heart Put-put or Another Put-put in the Wall.

Christmas came early

2007-01-30T14:53:00.000-05:00

That's right, Monkey Corner Records is happy to annouce "Catching the Ghosts" is available on emusic and iTunes. Although the iTunes release was originally slated for March, Satan cashed our souls in early and pushed up the release. Check them out, feel free to purchase. And while you're at the iTunes store, don't forget to check out Truth in Advertising's album, Inconsequential Background Music.

In other Monkey Corner Industries news, the Pittsburgh Monologue Project is having a Best of the Pittsburgh Monologue Project show at Duquesne University Feb. 2 and 3. Both shows begin at 8 p.m.

According to official PMP sources, "This is a compilation of our favorite pieces from every show we've done and all the monologues in our arsenal. We think it's going to be a great show. So ... if you see only one Pittsburgh Monologue show thi syear, this should be it."

Personally, if you see only one PMP show this year, you should be ashamed (unless you live in Indiana)

Where: Duquesne University — Rockwell Hall

When: Fridiay, Feb. 2, and Saturday, Feb. 3. Both shows at 8 p.m.

How much: It's FREE

The Marvelous Misadventures of 'Miyagi'

2007-01-26T00:20:00.000-05:00

OK.

First, you need to need to check out this Jan. 13 post on Yes Indie, a Thai indie radio station. Just scroll to the bottom, right before the comments box.

Next, visit the Myspace page associated with the page.

Now consider:

I assume he got the track from MOKB. He's not a Myspace friend of Truth in Advertising or Monkey Corner Records, and he lists MOKB as a blog he/they read.

He has the same Myspace background as B.J. Isenberg (or Robert, as some call him).

His Myspace page lists his Zodiac sign as a Leo, but his "Happy Birthday" wishes are for Nov. 18.

Being included on the "fresh roster of thoroughbred outfits all around the world" has contributed to Mr. Miyagi's Hoedown at the Pig Farm getting more than 770 hits since its original posting on MOKB. Incidentally, since Sweet Dream's posting on MOKB, it has garnered
more than 840 hits.

So anyway ... can anyone translate Thai? From what I researched, he liked it.

Recent study suggests Libras shouldn't drive

2007-01-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

And to think I let B.J. drive my car part-way across the country. Ironically, I got the speeding ticket.

In other news, ~~Laura and I are engaged, and a "24"- or "Twin Peaks"-themed wedding is being contemplated.~~

Yeah, like a fat kid watching TV, that just didn't work out.

New Year, new news OR no gnu knew the news OR Franklin

2007-01-03T14:06:00.000-05:00

12 Gorillz?
Allegedly, a feature-length Gorillaz movie, on which Damon Albarn is collaborating with director Terry Gilliam (Monty Python, Brazil, Twelve Monkeys, etc.), is in the works.

All the cool stuff happens after I leave.

Shamelessly stolen from the Merge newsletter

2006-11-30T01:49:00.000-05:00

An oldie, but a goodie

2006-11-28T16:05:00.000-05:00

Unknown recording artist Seán O'Donnell's (my) song "Sweet Dreams" was included on the regarded My Old Kentucky Blog on the site's Nov. 7 NFL recap.
The song is the first track on Seán's (my) EP "Catching the Ghosts," which you can download free, in its entirety, from the Internet Archive.
"Sweet Dreams" features Sarah Ciotti's voice, and the next two tracks are instrumental, so you only have to suffer through Seán (me) singing on the fourth song.
More shamless self-promotion to follow.

Marijuana may stave off Alzheimer's

2006-10-05T19:46:00.000-04:00

From CNN.com:
WASHINGTON, (Reuters) -- Good news for aging hippies: Smoking pot may stave off Alzheimer's disease.

New research shows that the active ingredient in marijuana may prevent the progression of the disease by preserving levels of an important neurotransmitter that allows the brain to function.

Oh, Richard!

2006-09-18T15:41:00.000-04:00

Truth in Advertising has finally made it. Forever temporarily etched in the ever-editable Wikipedia, T in A can be found under the Gerbiling entry. Next step, Encarta!

From an Pennsylvania boy on an Indiana night

2006-09-07T17:55:00.001-04:00

I write here, 400 miles from the streets
I have known like two eggs, fried bacon
and coffee in a faded vinyl booth;
seven hours from where my brother paints;
seven hours from where my sister grows up;
seven hours from where my old roommates roll their Bugle tobacco;
seven hours from the routines and routes that gave me comfort,
a place to sort things out,
and an impartial ear;
seven hours from the defeats that gave me definition,
sharpened my edges,
and dulled my senses.

If I gather all my evil
and I ask it, please, to leave,
will it heed my bare request?
Will it suffice to do my best
in ignoring each temptation
to abandon where I'm stationed?

Will I linger where my feet
and the Earth should truly meet;
am I merely standing where I am,
sufficient for some lesser plan?

By what right is this soul weary?
By which bargains is this mind a slave
To thoughts consumed with woesome worry,
Of actions taken with too much haste,
To anything asked beyond today?

Has my penance not been paid and true,
That my suffering may seem but slight?
Or is there an unpaid mortgage due
That keeps me wondering through the night:
How much more's left, and how much is right?

Or is it just to pass the time
That I may trouble myself so?
Is this all only for the rhyme
That seeks the answers I don't know,
That gives my waking a place to go?

Uncertainty is certainly
The only thing that you will see
When looking at this mess of words
That could be read, but should be heard.

You see, the timbre of my voice
Reveals that I have made my choice;
And the timbre of this ink
Reveals much less than you would think.

What else do you got?

2006-07-14T17:16:00.000-04:00

"85 percent of communication is nonverbal, but that 15 percent verbally, I was able to hone over a series of years for a variety of reasons. I just really dig it. I pride myself on it because I’m ... good at it. You got to pride yourself on what you’re good at — what else do you got?"
— Robert Downey Jr., to the Associated Press

Readin', ritin', and numbers

2006-06-18T01:50:00.000-04:00

"(This weekend,) we'll have the three H's -- hot, sticky and hazy."
--Fox News Weatherwoman

Inconsequential Background Music

2006-05-22T20:37:00.000-04:00

Inconsequential Background Music, the new album (we can still call it new for one more week) from Truth in Advertising is now available through iTunes.
As part of a special, one-time only offer, Truth in Advertising is offering you free unlimited soft drinks if you buy the album through iTunes.
We just can't tell you where the soda's at.

Cranberry sauce

2006-05-03T00:53:00.000-04:00

Conan O'Brien just made a secret gesture to me on tonight's Late Night With Conan O'Brien. He brushed his upper lip with his right index finger three times mid-sentence.
That signal was meant solely for me.
Only I can decipher it.
Some day, I will.

And you will not.

Overheard at Red Lobster

2006-04-26T00:17:00.000-04:00

"We'll ... talk as soon as Kelly puts her shirt on. And I let somebody in the back door -- the story of my life."
-- Manager Gary

Readin', ritin', and rithmatic

2006-04-20T22:08:00.002-04:00

"If we've got kids that's not passing the ISTEP, then we need to step up and do a better job of providing the teachers with what they need to make sure we get the job done."
Mike Dillard, running for Paoli School Board

They're a simple folk who aren't too complicated

2006-04-10T23:50:00.000-04:00

"It's sad that that had to happen to a girl who enjoyed doing something she loved to do."
-- An Elletsville, Ind., man, on the May 2000 murder of Jill Behrman. The interview was on WXIN-TV.

What's next? Boner's nightly Quran readings?

2006-04-06T00:16:00.000-04:00

I just spent five minutes listening to Kirk Cameron telling me that all who fornicate, lie or kill (because those are all Schedule I sins) will be brought to justice and fall on judgment day. He made me seriously question if I would go to heaven or hell when I died. I decided on Dayton, Ohio. To all of this I drunkenly replied, "I'd buy all this bullshit if you were Kurt Russell."
What Would Kirk Do?

What a Long Strange Shit It's Been

2006-04-02T16:53:00.000-04:00

Jerry Garcia's toilet has been stolen.
That's it. I just wanted to use that headline. They'd never let me use that at the paper.

An open letter to a higher power

2006-03-24T01:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Dorris,
I appreciate your taking the time to read this. I understand that the wild strawberries need tended to; yet no one -- no mere thetan, at least -- can provide guidance as you can.
It seems that I've run into myself, so to type. After being shown some of the folly of my youth, I tried to drift away from sensless, pretentious prattling about how my opinions should be gospel. Granted, it's not been an easy row to hoe (and with the price of diesel, not a cheap one, either). But I've tried. And I've seen progress. And I've eaten Progresso. No more are the days when I go on borishly about the glories of Britpop armed with two Radiohead albums, three Blur albums and a useless vault of Beatles and Pink Floyd trivia (may Roger Waters rest in peace).
So what? you are surely asking. So what, indeed.
Leslie, what I'm about to type to you simply must stay between us. You mustn't tell anyone, not even mother, what I'm about to share with you. It could devistate father; it could tarnish our name; it could tarnish the imitation silver bracelet I gave to that tart at Dairy Queen.
It's almost 2 a.m. I will write more after the guards have passed.
As Everest,
Mt. Ed

His real name is John Christopher?!?!?!

2006-03-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

MANALAPAN, Florida (AP) -- Florida authorities say new age musician Yanni faces domestic battery charges.
He was arrested at his home Friday after an alleged domestic dispute with his girlfriend.
Yanni, whose legal name is John Yanni Christopher, denies the allegations.
"These allegations are cruel, false, without merit and baseless," said the statement released by his manager, Danny O'Donovan. "At a more appropriate time and place, I hope and pray I will have an opportunity to address my fans and colleagues all over the world."
Police say the singer-pianist asked his girlfriend, Silvia Barthes, to leave his beachfront home in Manalapan.
She told police she attempted to pack her clothing, but the 51-year-old musician assaulted her.
Yanni told police the girlfriend kicked him, and he believed he injured his finger during the incident.

You know you're not in Pittsburgh anymore when...

2006-01-22T17:36:00.000-05:00

you see a seed corn commercial during a Steelers game.

It's like a white fly in your black-as-midnight-on-a-moonlit-night coffee

2006-01-17T00:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so now I'm actually going to be watching The Tony Danza Show on Thursday because Kyle MacLachlan will be on. I am humbled, Mr. Danza.

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay...

2006-01-17T00:09:00.000-05:00

To more fully entertain our obsession with 24, Laura and I decided to get cable. Basic cable, mind you: but for the first time since I lived on Ophelia Street, I am paying for cable (for the first time since living at UPG, I am living with cable). I made a copule of notes on the experience -- which was realized today after the cable guy woke us up at 10 a.m.

1.) Apparently they round up the whole activation fee thing to an even $51. The first month's charge, plus the activation fees, should have been $49.change with tax. The bill was $51. Maybe I should have paid attention one of those times I took calc.
2.) Although I will now be able to watch Jack Bauer foolishly put the security of our nation at risk for some woman he's banging (or her son), the first thing I saw this morning after our cable was installed was Joan Rivers on The Tony Danza Show. The next channel had Divorce Court.
3.) As Laura and I were enjoying our celebratory smoked salmon and capers nine hours after we paid the $51 for cable, we heard a knock on our door. Was it the Mexicans, finally inviting us out to drink beer and listen to mariachi music with them in their Chevy Astrovan? Was it the our upstairs neighbor coming to complain that the noise from our apartment was not allowing one of his toddler sons to run up and down their hallway for 27 consecutive minutes? No, it was Steve. Steve works for the cable company. Steve wanted to entice us to get cable by offering half-off the first month's cable bill and waived activation fees if we signed up with him tonight.

Yin, meet Yang. Yang, Yin.

2006-01-09T09:49:00.000-05:00

Sharon breathing on his own.

Cheney hospitalized briefly with shortness of breath.

Inconsequential Background Music

2005-12-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

They live in four different states, but now you can enjoy their music no matter what state you're in! Truth in Advertising's second album, Inconsequential Background Music (IBM) is officially released today by Monkey Corner Records.

IBM is available for $10 plus shipping. Being in the spirit of the season, we are paying the shipping ourselves and offering IBM for only $8 for our nearest and dearest during the next 2 weeks. E-mail us before January 11 and take advantage of our foolish generosity.
Recorded mainly in the basement of Fred's and Billy's/Seán's Pittsburgh apartment by Ryan and Seán/Billy, this album will have you humming along and tapping your toes quicker than you can read War and Peace. What makes this deal so sweet is that you don't even have to read War and Peace to enjoy the album.

Get your copy NOW

This Explains A Little

2005-12-19T12:07:00.000-05:00

From the "Author's Testimony" in The Modern Translations: Which Bible is the REAL Word of God? :

"PLEASE READ THIS BOOK WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT WITH YOUR HEAD."

N.B. The all-caps format is how the line appears in the book and is not my exaggeration.

Eagles Landing Mall

2005-12-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

Walking down the familiar cinderblock halls, I start second-guessing myself. Maybe I made a wrong turn. Maybe this isn't Elletsville, Indiana. Maybe this is first grade. Where's the recording studio/mastering house? Is it near the principle's office, or should I have turned left at the lav? Where the hell am I? Will I get detention for saying hell?
Eagles Landing Mall -- apparently named after an observation (not a place) -- might be Ellettsville's largest mall. Before 2003, it was an elementary school.
Today, it still feels and looks like a school. As rare evidence of the building's previous life, a lucky social studies book about Indiana History survives on a small end table in the hall. The sign welcoming customers to the mall is a dot matrix printed banner, scotch-taped to the wall (soooo third grade). The word processed directory indicates that the studio is in room (suite) 115.
As I walk down the fluorescent-lit hall, I peer into reformed classrooms where Hoosiers now buy ceramic dragons and take Karate lessons. Suite (room) 108 is shared by Affordable Computer Sales and Repair and Norma's Water Colors Gallery and Studio: a combination only marriage can explain. The used book store's hallway cart -- another survivor of the corporate takeover -- looks proudly comfortable outside roomsuite 117.
I observe my unusual surroundings, contemplating the edificial recycling. Probably built (or at least expanded) to meet the educational needs of the baby boom, the building stands today as a testament to the quirky resourcefulness of human beings, a practical response to changing times, a hallmark of Americana.
My mind starts to wander further, lost in the cream tile flooring and dull yellow paint. Has so much time passed since I walked down halls like this, dreaming of the day I could touch the walls on both sides of me with my fingertips? If it has, not much has changed. Thankfully, I can raise my arms and touch both walls, but I'm still a dorky kid, walking the halls of a school building bemused and confused. Also, no jerk is giving me a wedgie so powerful it rips the elastic from my underwear and.... Maybe I should just get to 115.

Oh, that Burelson Road

2005-12-13T22:11:00.000-05:00

From a box of Pinochle cards:

Go! The Game Store
6411 Burelson Road, U.S.A.

Foxtrot You, Man

2005-12-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

I was reading a delivery tracking number to an author today at work. The recitation was going smoothly: me saying a few numbers or letters at at time, he repeating them back. Wisely, the author would repeat the letters using the phonetic/radio/spelling/telephone alphabet. After hearing him do this for a letter or two, I caught on and started reciting the letters in that fashion (though I've never learned the official prst alphabet).
When I had gotten to an "F," I said, "Frank," off the top of my head. However, the author repeated back, "Foxtrot," his voice barely patronizing.
"No," I thought. "This part of the tracking number sequence is clearly Frank. I am the one reading, you are the one writing. If my "F" is Frank, you write it as Frank: don't write my "F" in quadruple time."

Making Lemonade

2005-12-12T11:18:00.000-05:00

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."
--George Bernard Shaw

What's Become of the Baby?

2005-12-05T09:26:00.000-05:00

"What's become of the baby
This cold December morning?"

'lim-(")bO: noun
2 a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty

Vatican may drop concept of limbo (emphases added).

"Songbirds
frozen in their flight
drifting to the earth
remnants of forgotten dreaming
Calling...
answer comes there none
Go to sleep you child
Dream of never ending always"

...but where?

"But where in the looking-glass fields of illusion
wandered the child who was perfect as dawn?"

2005-11-29T15:53:00.000-05:00

D) All of the above
From cnn.com

In an Associated Press interview Monday, former Powell chief of staff Lawrence Wilkerson also said that wrongheaded ideas for the handling of foreign detainees after Sept. 11 arose from a coterie of White House and Pentagon aides who argued that "the president of the United States is all-powerful," and that the Geneva Conventions were irrelevant.

Wilkerson blamed Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and like-minded aides. Wilkerson said that Cheney must have sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a nefarious bastard."

2005-11-28T12:17:00.000-05:00

I'd like to request a moment of silence for Pat Morita, a.k.a. Mr. Miyagi, who recently passed away. May the joy he brought all of us continue to spread through the ages like a hand through blocks of ice.

2005-11-22T12:31:00.000-05:00

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2005-11-17T11:14:00.000-05:00

Part III

Oh yeah, I was right. There was a second perpendicular to the instant when my heart was split in two hollow halves of a chemically altered shell of carefree wonderment. Escaping vertiginously from that moment was a smile that echoed in my irises and fell into my pupils, escaping certain doom, most certainly.
And the smile travled onward in space and upwards and downwards: the words that could name it escaped me. And in the blink of a streetlight, on the sigh of the breeze, your name came to mine as our lips intertwined as the autumn stars applauded.
Bent on the perpendicular seconds that are life, I often look sideways these days.

2005-11-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

Part I

During nights when I couldn't fall asleep, I invariably found myself at the computer. I cannot be sure of what drew me there -- perhaps it was the amicable glow of the 17 inch monitor or the glad-to-know-ya pop-up ads that checked in on me every two minutes.
One night in particular became longer as my eyes grew smaller, and I somehow rationalized soul-searching on Google. However, after 17 pages of James Brown photographs and chicken soup recipies, I realized that maybe my methods were misguided. I pried my increasingly numb ass from the computer chair, slid into my sandals and went outside for some fresh air and fresh ideas. Only when I got outside did I remember that I was in the city, where fresh air exists mainly at poetry readings and vague memories of childhood and Montana.
Not one to be easily dissuaded, I became even more determined to find those elusive fresh ideas. I looked in the bushes, between the branches and under the decaying leaves on the ground. Blades of grass bent at my will, but revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized that my methods were madness, that the answer I sought begged a different question -- not where to look, but how.

2005-11-13T02:49:00.000-05:00

Why We're Really in Iraq

We need to find the red tunic and the silver arrows before we can get that rescue the princess from Osama.

2005-11-11T23:45:00.000-05:00

Empty Pages

Dear Blog,
You are now over a week old, but I see no improvements in you. Is it me? Is there something I could be doing? I'm doing the best that I can: it's not like you came with an instruction manual. I hope you don't expect me to be here for you all of the time. I am busy and have other things going on. Maybe we should call this whole thing off. Maybe we just need some time to adjust to one another. Maybe I should try watering you.
Well, I think we both need some time to think things over. Let me know what you think.
Love,
Seán

2005-11-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

Where in a raincoat can one find the desperate darting glances that are to be expected? There is no coatmap, no indexed instruction booklet to serve as a reference point. All of the hypertext links lead somewhere other than where they say.
Yellow and red pulse in my mind because all of the green lights seem dim. We have only each other to lead the way and lend a shoulder. Unless we forget that, we will make this happen -- whatever this decides to be.
We will find the way within ourselves; we will help each other find the shortcuts; we will be wearing a raincoat.